Taylor Swift is so right about you.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
