see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
