hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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