I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
