thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
