from now on my penis is your penis
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
