Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
