It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
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So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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