rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
