the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
