I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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