I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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