i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
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So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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