Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
