She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
