well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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