I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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