kristin has been a bad kristin
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
