1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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