Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
