I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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