he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
