Why are handjobs necessary in class?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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