Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
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I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
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My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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