Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
