Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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