i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
