which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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