I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
