? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
