Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
