Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
