Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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