Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
