Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
