it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
whose ass print is on the piano?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
