What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
