tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
