Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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