mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
