Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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