Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
