I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize