I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
