I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
