I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
