I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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