he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
