You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
