my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
