I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
