She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
