I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
