Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
