my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
