I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
