i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There r osticjed everywhere
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
