I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
