i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
