Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
my poor anus
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
