you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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