i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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