Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
