We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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