I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
