i can't believe i had my finger in that
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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