she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
