I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
