don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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