Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
