My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
sex in a hospital.. check
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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