why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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